The pie thrower's pledge: Today Duchesneau, tomorrow the world
Jacques Duchesneau didn't
see the cream pie with his name on it until way too late. Even if
he had, it's unlikely he would have seen the other four for wich
he was also targeted.
As he made his way through the crowd of 2,000 well-heeled
supporters at Windsor Station last week to launch his mayoralty
campaign, Montreal's former police chief paid little heed to the
flower girl with the large bouquet, or the cherubic bus boy with
the curly locks trailing close behind. A career cop, he probably
took the burly man in black for just another well-wishing colleague
instead of the entarteur about to make him the latest victim
of a vast international conspiracy.
Hour has learned that the cream-team that "hit"
Duchesneau last week was composed of 11 co-conspirators. Five were
armed with carefully concealed pies -chilled Reddi Whip in paper
shells- and accompanied by a diversionary confederate. There was
also one operations coordinator, subsequently identified as well-known
Plateau prankster François Gourd, who drove the getaway car.
For Les Entartistes du Québec, it was imperative that a major
Montreal figure be cream-pied before June 12 -the day when the crème
de la crème of the pie-throwing world gathers here to sign
an accord creating the international Patisserie Brigade. Protocol
suggests one does not host a pie-throwing conference unless one
has thrown a pie or two. Ergo Duchesneau.
Among those attending will be pie-thrower extraordinaire Noël
Godin, the wily Belgian who organized the pie hit on Bill Gates
that made front-page news around the world. The French coined the
term entarteur -"thrower of cream pies"- to honour
his exploits, wich have made him a diabolical legend among the international
glitterati and a darling of the paparazzi.
Godin's sworn ennemies include "any and all authority, depressing
laws, return of the moral order, nuclear power and any form of political
power." His targets have included some of the biggest and brightest
vedettes in the French intellectual and entertainment realm:
director Jean-Luc Godard, choreographer Maurice Béjart, film
producer Daniel Toscan du Plantier -and France's best-known television
anchorman, Patrick Poivre d'Arvor, creamed by Godin as he jogged
through the streets of Paris.
Godin's greatest success has been an ongoing personnal vendetta
with French philosopher Bernard Henri Lévy. "He's the
worst," says Godin. "He represents empty, vanity-filled
litterature. He is totally in love with himself to the most spectacular
degree of imbecility."
Godin and his accomplices have scored cream bull's-eyes on Lévy
no fewer than five times, most memorabily in May 1994 as the Parisian
intellectual was on a stage at the Cannes Film Festival.
"There are a thousand forms of subversion," according
to Godin. "All of them are interesting, but few, in my opinion,
equal the convenience and immediacy of the cream pie."
As scholar and practitioner, Godin can trace the lineage of his
art form back through the silent films of Mack Senett, the Marx
Brothers, Wile E. Coyote and the Yippies of the late, lamentable
Nixon era. One person he looks forward to meeting here in Montreal
is Yippie veteran Aron Kay, the original "Pieman", who
will head the US delegation. Pieman's list of confirmed hits includes
former CIA director William Colby, notorious homophobe Anita Bryant,
conservative guru William F Buckley Jr, all the original Watergate
conspirators, and Andy Warhol for hanging out with the Shah of Iran.
Pieman came up through the alternative ranks via the Berkeley Barb
and the Underground Press of 1968-69 San Franscisco. As chief pie
thrower for the infamous PieKill Inc. -a "cream-pies-for-hire"
Yippie venture- he was as much a part of that scene as Abbie Hoffman
or Jerry Rubin. Today he maintains a graphic-intensive website devoted
to pie-throwing and pie-throwers around the world (www.pieman.org).
Internationnaly, pie-throwing is about to take off. Following the
successful examples of Godin and the Pieman, cadres of budding entarteurs
are springing up in Great Britain, Australia, Canada and Switzerland,
where five cabinet ministers were recently pied simultaneously.
Les Entartistes du Qc have been meeting and plotting on the Internet
(www.dsuper.net/~aboyeur/tarte.html) and in neighboroud parks of
the Plateau for three months in advance of their June 12 "conference-cum-cabaret"
at the Lion d'Or.
One consequence of the conference could be the merger of several
pie corporations. "In these days of globalization, we're simply
following up the currents", said "Pop-Pie", nom-de-guerre
of the entarteur who carried out the Duchesneau hit. "Everyone's
merging with everyone else, and, tough we see things differently,
we're no different."
In the parlance of the military-industrial complex, he and his fellow
believers in pie power see the world as one huge, target-rich environment.
"We are just beginning," says Godin. "A genuine International
Brigade Patisserie has been born. We believe that we are capable
of achieving great things in the very near future".
When asked who's next, as Les Entartistes du Qc toasted Jacques
Duchesneau in a local watering-hole, "Pie-gal", the flower
girl responded: "Look in your newspaper. The list is right
there. No politician is safe, no banker is safe -nobody is safe
now that we're here."